Battlefield Tourist

AS WE DROVE OUT FOR THE MEDICAL BRIGADE, I WAS OFFERED A SEAT IN A ROMANIAN APC, BUT DECLINED. I DON'T MIND RIDING IN THE BIG TWO-TON TRUCKS. YOU'RE BACK THERE WITH A BUNCH OF YOUNG TO MIDDLE AGED SOLDIERS. LITERALLY THE FIRST SOLDIERS OF A NEW AFGHANISTAN. WE DON'T SPEAK THE SAME LANGUAGE, BUT ARE ABLE TO GET ALONG.
THE ROADS SUCK SO BAD I LIKE TO RIDE STANDING UP. BESIDES, YOU CAN SEE MORE. IT'S ONE OF THOSE RIDES YOU DREAM OF DOING AS A KID; WHERE YOU'RE HOLDING ON FOR DEAR LIFE WHILE HAVING A BALL. LIKE A MIX OF RIDING A BULL AND A SURFBOARD WHILE BEING ABLE TO HOLD YOURSELF UP.
WE PASS VILLAGE AFTER VILLAGE. EVERYONE OF THEM, IT SEEMED, HAD A POPPY PATCH OF SOME SORT. BIG, SMALL, TWO ACRES. MOST DISCREET, BUT STILL THERE. THE ARMY WASN'T INTERESTED IN LETTING US TAKE PICTURES, AND I DIDN'T TRY. WASN'T A BIG DEAL TO ME.
LIKE SIMILAR MEDICAL BRIGADES I'VE BEEN ON, WE LITERALLY DROVE UP TO A VILLAGE, BROKE OUT A GURNY AS A MAKES SHIFT TABLE AND STARTED DISPENSING BASIC REMEDIES FOR BIGGER PROBLEMS.
AS THAT WAS GETTING GOING, WE SAW A CARAVAN OF "COOTCHIES". I DO NOT KNOW THE SPELLING OF THESE PEOPLE, BUT THEY ARE NOMADIC AND VERY TRADITIONAL. THEY ARE ALL ALONG THE ROADS. HERDING ALONG CAMMELS, CHILDREN, SHEEP, WOMEN... THERE'S EVEN DONKEYS PACKED WITH BABY SHEEP; THEIR EARS FLOPPING UP AND DOWN. WHAT A TERRIBLE WAY TO HAVE TO LIVE IN THE WORLD'S BIGGEST MINEFIELD.
THERE'S THIS FLY BORNE DISEASE (STARTS WITH AN "L" AND I'M NOT EVEN GONNA TRY!) RELATED TO LEPERSY THAT EATS THE SKIN AND TURNS IT GREEN AND SCALY. VERY SEVERE CASE OF IT HERE. POOR GIRL.
THE US ARMY DID ALL SORTS OF CHECKS, INCLUDING EYE EXAMS WITH DELIVERABLE GLASSES WITHIN TWO TO THREE WEEKS (SO THEY SAID). THEY EVEN CHECKED A FEW SICK GOATS OUT.
THE ROMANIANS HAD TWO DOCTORS OF THEIR OWN, MOSTLY CHECKING BABIES. MOSTLY THAT'S ALL THAT GOT CHECKED: CHILDREN CARRYING BABIES HALF THEIR SIZE AND OLD MEN. I SAW ONE OLD WOMAN AND NO MEN FROM AGE 14 - 55. EVEN THEN, ALMOST EVERYONE WAS A CHILD. I DID NOTICE A FEW TEEN GIRLS AND WOMEN IN COLORED BHURKAS HUSTLING INTO ONE HUT THAT HAD AN ANA GUARD IN FRONT OF IT. NO DOUBT THE TRADITIONS OF THIS AREA ARE ALIVE AND WELL. I REALLY DON'T THINK THIS IS GOING TO CHANGE MUCH. THIS IS A COMPLETELY DIFFERENT CULTURE THAN ANY I'VE EVER ENCOUNTERED. THIS IS TRULY "THE OTHER SIDE OF THE WORLD".
THE RIDE BACK IN WE WENT BY THE FORMER AL-QUEDA CAMP THAT WAS MADE FAMOUS IN THE NEWS. IT'S THE ONE YOU SEE WHERE TERRORISTS ARE JUMPING OVER OBSTACLES, ETC... WELL, I GOT TO STAND ON THE RUINS OF THE BIGGEST BUILDING AND LOOK OUT OVER IT. QUITE A SITE.
THE CAMP IS MUCH LARGER THAN YOU WOULD EXPECT. IT WAS COMPLETELY BOMBED TO RUIN. THE BUILDING I WAS ON WAS GUTTED AND HAD A HUGE HOLE RIGHT THROUGH IT. VERY IMPRESSIVE SITE. I GOTT A FEW PICTURES, GRABBED THREE BRICKS, AND TOOK OFF FOR THE TRUCK.
AS WE DROVE IN YOU COULD SEE ALL SORTS OF UNEXPLODED ARTILLERY SHELLS, MINES EVERYWHERE, AND WHAT LOOKED TO BE ANCIENT VILLAGES. THEN AGAIN, THEY ARE MADE MUD AND STARW, SO WHO KNOWS. THEY DO LOOK STURDY ENOUGH AND WOULD PROBABLY STAND UP FOREVER IF KEPT UP BY ITS OWNER. THE GUIDE SAYS 300 YEARS. WHO KNOWS.
AS WE HEAD BACK INTO THE AIRPORT, WE PASS A COLUMN OF MARINES HEADING OUT TOWARD WHERE WE SAW ROMANIANS CONDUCTING LIVE FIRE. THERE'S GOING TO BE SOMETHING SOON. THE MARINES ARE REINFORCEMENTS FOR A REASON. THERE'S THE FIRST ELECTIONS EVER GETTING READY TO KICK OFF, NOW SLATED FOR SEPTEMBER. THERE'S ALSO THE U.S. ELECTIONS IN NOVEMBER. THERE'S PROBABLY GREAT PRESSURE TO GET THINGS DONE.
THIS WOULD BBE MMY LAST PATROL IN KANDAHAR. THAT NIGHT WE HIRE A DRIVER WITH A MINI VAN-THING, LOAD UP MUCH OF THE GEAR AND SEND THEM TO KANDAHAR FOR THE NIGHT. AHMED AND I STAY THE NIGHT ANDD MEET THE GUYS IN THE MORNING.

KABUL TO KANDAHAR HIGHWAY APRIL, 9

WE MEET JUST OUTIDE OF KANDAHAR AT 5 AM AND IT'S STILL VERY DARK. THIS IS NOT GOOD IN MY OPINION. THE DARK IS THE TIME OF THE BAD GUYS AND WE ARE DEAD SMACK IN THE MIDDLE OF THE RELIGIOUS CENTRE OF THE FORMER-TALIBAN MOVEMENT. REGARDLESS, WE HEAD OF TOWARD KABUL AND I WAIT FOR THE SUN.
WHEN IT CAME, IT WILL GO DOWN AS ONE OF THE BEST SUNRISES EVER. JUST HOW THE SUN CAME UP OVER THE DESERT AND THE SHAPE OF THE MOUNTAINS; IT WAS VERY COOL.
THE FIRST PART OF HE HIGHWAY IS SUPPOSED TO HAVE BEEN DONE BY THE JAPANESSE. THE ROAD IS NEARLY UNTOUCHED AND IS IN TERRIBLE CONDITION. THE PARTS WHERE THE INDIAN AND U.S. GOVERNMENT IS FINISHING, IS ALREADY CRACKED ALL TO HELL AND WILL MOST CERTAINLY BE IN TERRIBLE SHAPE RELATIVELY SOON. THE BEST PART OF THE HIGHWAY WAS THE PART THAT WAS DONE BY THE MANY TURKISH COMPANIES HERE. NOT AN OFFICIAL ANALYSIS, JUST WHAT I SAW AND THOUGHT ON A LONG 700 KM ROAD TRIP THROUGH A WARZONE. FORTUNATELY, THE MOST DANGEROUS PART CAME AROUND GHAZNI, WHERE WE NEARLY HIT A BABY CAMEL, THEN WE STOPPED FOR FOOD. IN PLACES LIKE THIS, IIT'S FUN TO GET CULTURED, BUT YOU CAN ALSO GET OTHER THINGS, LIKE BEING AMBUSHED OR GETTING SICK.
THE PLACCE THEY CHOSE OF COURSE HAD KABOBS. DEFINITE STAPLE HERE. I GET SEPERATED FROM THE OTHERS AND AN AFGHAN LEADS ME UP A NARROW ALLEY TO A ROOM. I HAVE TO ADMIT, I WAS A LITTLE NERVOUS. IRONICALLY, I WAS PUT AT EASE WHEN I TURNED AND SAW A YOUNG TEEN PEEKING OUT A WINDOW. HE MADE A MACHINE GUN MOTION, WHICH HAS HAPPENED IN OTHER PLACES I'VE BEEN. ON THIS KID'S FACE, THOUGH, YOU COULD TELL HE WAS FUNNING.
I COME TO A ROOM AT THE END OF THE ALLEY AND IT IS ALL SET TO EAT. EVERYTHING IS ON THE FLOOR AND COMMUNAL. YOU TAKE YOUR SHOES OFF BECAUSE IT IS ALL CARPETED AND SURROUNDED IN PILLOWS. VERY COMFORTABLE. REGARDLESS, I TOOK SOME POST-MEAL ANTIBIOTICS JUST IN CASE.
THE REST OF THE 7 HOUR TRIP WAS UNEVENTFUL. I WAS ABLE TO SEE MORE OF KABUL COMING IN THIS WAY. THE CIITY HAS VERY SMALL BUILDINGS, DIRTY, IT SMELLS, AND PEOPLE ARE EVERYWHERE. THE TRAFFIC IS INCREDIBLY BAD. BY FAR THE WORST PLACE IN MY MEMORY. THE BEST WAY TO DESCRIBE IT IS LIKE BEING ON A GO-KART TRACK EXCEPT YOU HAVE TWO-WAY TRAFFIC. ACTUALLY, ALL-WAY TRAFFIC. IT IS A BRAWL OUT THERE. I WON'T BE DRIVING HERE. I SWEAR, PEOPLE THINK BY HONKING YOUR HORN, A FORCEFIELD GOES UP AROUND THE VEHICLE. THAT'S HOW TTHEY DRIVE. CRAZY.
SO HERE IT IS EASTER SUNDAY. AHMET TURNED AROUND TWO HOURS AFTER WE GOT IN FROM KANDAHAR, AND WENT 8 HOURS THE OTHER WAY TO MAAZ-AR-E-SHARIEF TO SEE IF HE CAN GET ANY VIDEO OF THE FACTIONAL FIGHTING THERE. FOR REASONS I CAN ONLY GUESS, HE LEFT ME. SO HERE I SIT, LISTENING TO EASTER MASS ON BBC WORLD ON MY SHORTWAVE. THE ONLY ENGLISH THING I CAN FIND RIGHT NOW.
I'VE BEEN SENDING OUT A STORY A DAY FROM MY PATROLS IN KANDAHAR, TRYING TO PICK UP FARSI AND TURKISH. NO ONE HERE SPEAKS VERY GOOD ENGLISH, SO NOT ONLY AM I IN AFGHANISTAN, BUT I CAN BARELY UNDERSTAND MY CO-WORKERS. THIS COULD MAKE A GOOD REALITY SHOW. JUST WISH I HAD SUBTITLES.
SO AT THIS POINT, I'M FEELING A BIT ISOLATED. I FEEL LIKE MY ONLY OUTLET HERE IS THE COALITION, WHICH IS FINE. MAJOR BLOOM SAID HE CAN GUARANTEE ME ACCESS AN ANA BASE IN THE NORTH WHERE THE FIGHTING IS. NOT SURE HOW SAFE THAT WOULD BE. ANA PLUS ADVISORS VS. DRUG KINGS AND MILITIAS. THEY CALL IT "GREEN ON GREEN". THAT'S THE ARMY DESCRIPTION. THE U.S./COALITION IS BLUE, ETC... WE'LL SEE. I GUESS ALL I CAN DO IS PREPARE FOR SPOT NEWS AND TRY TO GET EMBEDDED WITH THE TROOPS. THIS BEING EASTER AND ALL, ALL I CAN DO IS WAIT. THERE SURE IS A LOT OF THAT HERE.